- So happy to be betrothed! Thank you Gaston for being so great!
- And the fight rages on. Why, ogres, why?
- Wedding preparations take so long! I wonder if this wedding will ever happen...
- Reading books on wedding dresses! Sweetheart neckline or Elizabethan collar?
- Started writing. Maybe now I'll remember who I am?
- Rice and beans today. Must be Monday.
- Released. Thank you random man and Mr. Gold?
- When will everyone stop calling me Belle?
- I finally found someone who believes me. Maybe now we'll find some answers.
- More visits, but stangely less answers. It seems like my life is all just questions right now.
- I just received some bad news and the most beautiful description I can imagine...I'm speechless.
- Getting released! Thank you Mr. Gold for everything and I will see you soon!
- Finally know who I am, a girl who is ready to party at The Rabbit Hole!
- I guess I'll be spending some time with Mr. Gold. Time to find out who he really is.
- Rumple is here and we can finally think about the future. My heart feels full.
- Thank you to everyone who is following me! I really appreciate it when everything is going poorly in my life...
Hundreds of Stories
I love books so much, I didn't imagine I would find writing an introduction for myself so difficult. I guess it's best to just jump right in. My name is Belle. I am a lady. My land is under attack by the Ogres that plague this world. My father is doing his best to protect our land, but the war is not going well. I am writing this because it seems there is no where for me to just be me anymore. With everything going on in the land and my impending marriage, I don’t want to lose sight of who I am. I want to keep track of how I feel. Anyway, I think I should record more about myself. I like books a lot, like I said before. I dream about going on adventures like the ones in books. I love my family very much and I would do anything for them and the people. I am surprisingly good at household chores for a lady. I also always try to find the best in people and believe in them. Everyone is worth saving if that have any goodness in them at all. It sounds silly to write, but I really believe that.
Being a lady is a wonderful thing. It is great to be able to help others and have access to many resources. But, being a lady means that people see you as your title, not who you are. Being a lady matters more than being yourself. I think that's why I don’t really know who I am. Maybe that’s also why writing this is so difficult, but important, for me. I have to focus on what is going on in my life to retain a sense of myself no matter what is happening. Right now, I know that my land is suffering. The war has raged on far too long and our people cannot take much more. The only solution left is calling on a man referred to as “evil”. I'm not saying Rumplestilskin is the best man, but how evil is a man who helps others? If he comes and saves our land from destruction, he’ll be a good man to me. I have read hundreds of stories about people striking out on adventures. I am engaged now to Gaston, who I have known my entire life. Maybe I should consider the marriage my life’s adventure, but somehow I don’t think he is all life has to offer me. I believe in true love. I am a lady and I know my duty. I will marry Gaston to help our land. But I will never love a man as superficial as that. He avoids topics of substance like the plague. I doubt he’s ever actually read a single book. Maybe I’m just a foolish girl wishing for more than this life, but I don’t mind. My dreams are what give me hope and courage. I have faith that things will change, and I will do whatever I can to help that change along.
I don't love Gaston.
I remember every moment of the night that I was betrothed to Gaston. I have been dreaming about finding my one true love since I was young. I always imagined that it would be perfect and magical. We’d lock eyes across the room, everything in the world would fall still, and I would know, right then. Maybe that was expecting far too much, but I still can’t help but feel disappointed.
My father held a large party to announce my betrothal. I knew that it was going to happen. There are no surprises when you’re the daughter of a King. You’re told what is going to happen, and you must perform your part to the best of your ability. Gaston’s family had money, and father needed more funding to continue fighting the war against the Ogres. Gaston wanted to marry into royalty. It made sense, if thought of as a business deal instead of a marriage. I wish I could have more. I don’t love Gaston. He’s… well… superficial. He doesn’t listen to me when I speak. It’s nothing like the whirlwind romance I’ve always dreamed of- something that defies all logic, an all-consuming love that can break through any boundaries. But I suppose that I can’t have that. Not if I want to save the Kingdom.
Who Am I?
It’s pretty upsetting to wake up and not know who you are. It’s even more upsetting to wake up and not know who you are every single day for years. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m locked away that’s the most upsetting. It means not only waking up everyday and not knowing who I am, but also realizing again and again that I am stuck in the same room with no one to help me remember. There is a severe looking woman in some weird costume who sends my food in and a regal, beautiful woman who looks in and says nothing. Maybe, if someone else would come to visit, it would help me remember something. Anything. I don’t even know how long it’s been. It sounds like an exaggeration, but it feels like I’ve been in this cell forever.
I can’t help wondering why I’m here. What did I do to deserve this? I mean, what could I possibly have done to deserve this? Maybe it’s something so terrible, I made myself forget. But I don’t think so. Maybe everyone wants to believe the best of themselves and that’s why I can’t really believe that I could be heartless. Or maybe it’s because those women always seem to be sneering at me. It’s like I’m a... prize? Does that make sense? Maybe I’m locked away because I don’t know exactly what makes sense anymore. But either way, I don’t like the way they look at me. I need to see someone else. Anyone else really.
Why won’t someone else come? Wasn’t there even one person in my past who wants to visit me? Who loves me? Maybe those are the exact questions I don’t want the answered. The worst part of this sentence is that I can’t help asking these questions to myself. And my thoughts go in circles. Sometimes, I even try to imagine being somewhere else, being someone else. But my imaginings end and the questions return. At least I can write this. Maybe writing this will help me remember something. Or maybe it will just help me to stay sane. If I am sane. Well, there’s no point in arguing with myself about if I’m sane or not. I will use the time writing to do my best to recall something and maybe even record my dreams of something more. Why not? It’s not like anyone is going to read this but me.
Can't a Girl Ever Get a Break?
Rumple is back! He’s home! He’s here and so alive and it is so wonderful to be back in his arms! And he’s talking about the future. Our future. Even just thinking about the way he said it makes me feel dizzy in the most wonderful is this really real sort of way.
But of course so much else is going on too. Ariel and Eric are back together! They make an adorable couple. And everyone else made it safely back to Storybrooke.
Unfortunately, when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Pan made it back with them. And he killed Blue! Right on the street, it was horrible from what I heard. She was always so kind. And now Rumple has to help the Charming family and Regina defeat Pan again. Oh, and there was some strange body switching so now Henry looks like Pan and Pan, Henry. Very strange to see.
But I get to help Rumple this time! He was ready to just spend all day at his home...resting. But I’m glad that the Charmings found us when we stopped by his shop. Rumple and I can be a part of the community together. We can be heroes together. We can secure our future together. And also help all the people that seem to need help in this town.
I’m not even sure how to write this. I’m not sure I should. My heart feels like its breaking every second now. Rumple is gone. He killed Pan and sacrificed himself for the sake of us all. He is really and truly gone. I was wrong. I thought we had a future, I thought it would all be okay, but it isn’t. It never will be. Life without Rumple? I don’t want any part in it. Some curse is happening and we are being sent back to the Forest. Back to where our love began. Maybe it will be good to go back. I don’t really care where I am anymore. Rumple is dead. I wish I could be gone too.